testimonials: Taynia

I Stayed Indoors
I put on weight because I had stopped smoking and because I was depressed.

My depression meant that I stayed indoors for long periods not wanting to see anyone.

I Put On A Brave Face
When my marriage broke up I put on a brave face and got on with putting my life in order. I did really well. I bought a house, sorted out all the practical stuff and met my partner. I lost weight and when I was finally settled into my new life I decided to give up smoking.

I almost did too well. When things had settled down all the feelings I had about the divorce came rushing in and overwhelmed me. I became depressed and felt that the whole world was against me.

My depression meant that I stayed indoors for long periods, not wanting to see anyone. I was proud that I had given up smoking as it was the only thing I felt I had achieved. But I used it as an excuse to eat.

Live In Jogging Bottoms
I stayed at home and ate. I only wanted to see the people I was very close to. I felt that if no one saw me then no one could hurt my feelings. I would live in jogging bottoms and t-shirts so it didn't matter what size I was. I tried to eat healthily but my partner would buy take-Aways and I would eat them because I couldn't be bothered to cook.

And I was in denial about my size.

I knew I was big and unhappy but to everyone else I put on this front. I pretended I was okay with it because I felt that there was nothing that I could do about it.

There was also the feeling that well, I'm big anyway so it doesn't matter if I have a big plate of food. And the wrong food. Deep down I was miserable about it.

Unhappy With My Size
I wasn't being truthful with myself about being unhappy with my size. I put on this front for other people and laughed at their jokes The children would laugh and say look at the size of that whenever I bent down and I would get up and pretend everything was all right.

I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. I had all my lovely clothes in the wardrobe ranging from 12 to 14 and I couldn't get into any of them.

One day, I said to myself, one day I will be in these clothes. It seemed to me that all of a sudden I got big. I was 14 stone and at 5 ft 2 inches I felt that I was almost as wide as I was tall. I had given up on myself. I was big. I didn't want to accept it but I didn't feel that there was anything I could do about it. That made me miserable.

I can remember being in company and on a couple of occasions my father had said to my partner: "Taynia's got too big you want to do something about that." My partner would reply "When your belly gets bigger than your boobs, that's when you've got to do something about it."

It felt like I was being badgered.

The Turning Point
The turning point for me came when I was out in company and a male friend said to me "you've put on weight, haven't you girl." That was the big one. I felt really embarrassed as I was in company. But he was honest. Everyone knew I had put on weight but no one usually says it to your face.

• I had to face myself and be honest with myself
• I'm large and I want to do something about it.
• I didn't want to go to weight watchers or any other diet club

I felt too embarrassed to go. I didn't feel that I was ready to share: "Hey, we are all big so let's all lose weight together."

I felt quite helpless.

I realised that I was the one that had to take responsibility for my weight and that I was the only one who could do something about it.

I had to face up to it and stop blaming everyone else and the circumstances I was in.

Meeting Sarah
I first met Sarah at her stand at a wedding fair I was visiting with my daughter when she was demonstrating her 5lb model of fat and her 5lb model of muscle.

A lady, who had lost lots of weight and now looked nicely proportioned, was standing next to her. She showed me a picture of how much bigger she was before she went to see Sarah. And there was Sarah with a nice big smile on her face and I said don't I wish ... Sarah convinced me in a couple of sentences that it is possible to lose weight.

I started to look at becoming slimmer as just another job. I realised that as a mother and grandmother I work hard. I have a good job, I run my home, I do lots of things and I began to feel confident that if I can do all that, I can take on another challenge. I found it quite hard work at first but after a couple of weeks I settled into a routine and it wasn't difficult after that at all.

Confidence To Keep Going
Having the support from Sarah really helped. She helped me realise that I knew what to do and gave me the confidence to keep going.

My belief in myself increased with my sessions with Sarah and I developed a strong positive mindset that kept me going towards my goal.

She made everything very easy to understand. I never had to refer to books and pamphlets or count calories. All the diet information was set out visually and was easy to follow. I never had to refer back to a load of written information because it was all in my head.

Sarah Was There To Help Me
When ever I struggled or felt unconfident Sarah was there to help me work it out

I would say that I thought I would have lost a bit more this week. Sarah would always be constructive and say well, let's have a look at what you have been eating. Together we would work out how to improve my diet. I never felt that I was being told what to do or that I wasn't allowed to eat certain things.

As time went on and more and more weight came off any my confidence grew.

My positive mind was there, set like a jelly in the head. It might get a bit wobbly but nevertheless it was there and it was set.

I cut out the rubbish. I stopped thinking I needed junk food in my life. I planned my food. I thought it would be expensive to go on a diet but actually it doesn't cost much to eat properly.

My Choice To Eat Properly
Sarah taught me that it is my choice to eat properly or to not eat properly. On previous dieting attempts I put myself in prison by saying I can't have this, I can't have that. With Sarah's help I changed my way of thinking and now take responsibility for my choices, choosing to eat healthily most of the time.

I don't think of it as a diet because I am able to chose to eat how I want and I lost weight in the process.

I used to be worried about going out with my friends in case I blew my diet. Sarah was always reassuring, telling me to go because it's just about making choices again and she just encouraged me to make the best choices for me at the time.

I'd walk into Sarah's sometimes feeling down, not sure of myself or if I was doing the right thing. I would always come out feeling lifted and with a smile on my face.

Happy With The Way I Look
Now I am happy with the way I look. I like being attractive to others. No one tells you you're attractive when you're big. They say you look well instead. Or they say what you're wearing is nice, not that you look good.

• I feel fitter and full of energy.
• I am less clumsy.
• I feel younger and can play happily with my grandchildren now.
• My skin has improved by eating the right foods my skin looks less puffy.

Getting slim has given me back my life. I can shop anywhere for clothes now. I have the confidence to buy what suits me now.

All in all the little battles may have gone on in my head but I won the war.

— Taynia